Mid-Book Impressions: The Three Musketeers and Eugene Onegin

If you look at the sidebar on my blog, you'll notice that I'm reading The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas. If you read Cyrillic, you'll also have figured out that I'm reading Eugene Onegin by Alexander Pushkin. Sorry I didn't get an actual book cover for it, but I liked the drawing. Pushkin was good at drawing too, who knew?
Ahem. I've noticed several similarities between these books, and I'm less than halfway through Musketeers and nearly done with Eugene Onegin.

First off, they both feature dueling. Musketeers treats dueling as casually as you treat brushing your teeth, and Onegin treats dueling as something tragic that ruins lives. Huh. I wonder if those people you just skewered had families and lovers, d'Artagnan.
Pushkin goes out of his way to show how horrible the early death of the man killed in the duel was, whereas in Musketeers, the bodies pile up with hardly a batted eye. But again, I'm less then halfway through it. I'm either in for three hundred more pages of this, or an epic Dantes-esque redemption arc. Why do I doubt the latter.

Second, the leading men are both deeply flawed. Eugene is jaded and ends up making many mistakes that ruin his happiness. d'Artagnan is impulsive and a little too quick on the draw, also he is actively trying to get a married woman to be his mistress. Eugene's flaws are what drives the story to tragedy, d'Artagnan's are portrayed in kind of a 'boys will be boys' way. Needless to say, I don't like it.

Third, the author's names are both Alexander. Nothing deep to say here, I just thought it was really funny how I just so happened to pick these two at the same time. Coincidence, won't you?

The thing that surprised me about Onegin is that it's written in verse, and I usually hate books in verse. I couldn't even finish The Ballad of White Horse by Chesterton, because I was so lost and irritated with the style. However, I'm plowing through Onegin, and enjoying it very much. I'm also considering learning Russian so I can read this and my other favorite Russian novels in their original language. I already speak French, so I should probably brush up on that so I can reach fluency. But still, reading this in the original language would be a treat, because due to the format- poetry, it's really hard to convey the author's feelings. So Someday. Someday I'd like to read Pushkin's actual words.

As for Musketeers.... eurgh. I'll finish it, and give a final consensus, but it's not looking good.
Tell me, am I going way too hard on what is essentially supposed to be a fun adventure story? Maybe I shouldn't take it so seriously. I dunno. I think my expectations were unfairly high due to the sheer epicness that was The Count of Monte Cristo. Maybe I should reread that in the original French, that'd be fun.

Modern Faerie Tales (Part One: The Ones that Stink)

Nowadays when faerie tales are told, either as movies, books, shows, whatever- they are quickly deconstructed and presented as quaint and inherently flawed (don't forget sexist!).

I'm thinking about Frozen, with it's smug rebuttal of the traditional Disney Love at First Sight (it's almost like they looked at their previous films and thought “Screw Uncle Walt! We're Progressive!”). I'm thinking about Once Upon A Time, with it's poor, overdone attempts to make Snow White and Prince Charming interesting and conflicted characters. There's also Shrek (I remember liking the first one, but I admit it fits into the dysfunctional Faerie Tale category), Into the Woods, How to Train Your Dragon, Maleficent (another 'F--- You' from modern Disney to poor Walt) the list goes on and on.

In our cynical society, people are kind of put off by a straight up traditional faerie tale. But I think that that is a side effect of forgetting what the traditional faerie tales actually were.

Way back when, Faerie Tales were mostly a way to scare kids into being good. They were filled with dismemberment, deaths, horrible and graphic jinxes, and not always a happy ending. Or at least, they didn't have the modern definition of a happy ending. Most old western Faerie Tales were influenced by Christianity, which meant that the ultimate happy ending wasn't getting married and ruling a beautiful kingdom full of happy subjects- but dying a good, Christian death and attainting eternal sainthood with God in Heaven.

 

Most of these postmodern Faerie Tales don't have that kind of ending, of course. Even though their packaging and themes are cynical and deconstructive, you'll be hard pressed to find one with a less than jubilant ending! There's never ever a compromise for the hero, no victory that costs the hero something dear. That's because in a more secular world, death for the hero is the worst thing that can possibly happen.

Postmodern Faerie Tales are usually made up of the following elements.

- A misunderstood hero. They are snubbed by others because they are 'different'- but of course in the end, everyone who hated them is either (rightfully) dead, or worshipping the ground they walk on. BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL, ESPECIALLY ME!!!

-The hero who is a total rebel. This is a variation on the above. Here is the hero who is always breaking the rules (because the rules were made by stupid, patriarchal MEN of course!), but once again, in the end said hero is revered precisely because of this rule breaking. Because part of this happy ending is everyone becoming enlightened enough to see the error of their ways. And if they don't, they can get killed off. And that's another thing! How come in modern faerie tales (scratch that, most fiction), people who don't agree with the hero about everything always are demonized? I mean, come on!

-Ahem. Let's not forget the faux-love interest. Here is your typical prince charming- except that he's NOT, and will eventually be revealed to be a total scumbag or worse- a homicidal maniac. DON'T TRUST ANYONE, GIRLS!!!

-Kung Fu Princess! Because women are USELESS when they aren't trying to emulate men! Forget exploring what is special about your femininity, and just be a man in a dress! I'm not against fighting princesses (Merida! Princess Leia!), but when that is all you have to your character- being feisty and good at punching things- you're a boring character. Male or Female.

-If this postmodern faerie tale happens to be a remake or reimagining, characters who were good in the original will either be at best, blundering idiots, or at worst, evil and nutty. I'm not saying this can't be cleverly or interestingly done. I don't like Once Upon a Time, but even (the stone hearted) I couldn't help but be really into the 3rd season with it's maniacal Peter Pan and his Lost Boy cult. You just have to be careful when employing this trope.

 

So with all that having been said, are there any new, original modern faerie tales that are actually good, and won't make me spit venom like I have been the entire post?
Turns out- yes! Definitely!
But we'll be saving those for the next post, because this one is already long enough!
Stay frosty, my friends.

Chain Letters

A few days ago, a deah friend of mine asked me over chat what I thought of chain letters. The connection broke and I never got to say my (admittedly) snarky answer. So here be my over-long answer to that question. ;)
If there were three things I could eliminate from the internet, one of them would be chain letters. Now, BEFORE you tell me that I'm mean, and that I don't want kittens, orphans, and nuns to be happy, please let me have my say.

Type A

Chain Letter Type A
There are three basic kinds of chain letters. The first kind is of the sort that tells you to 'pass it along' if you love your grandmother or if you're against bullying. I have gotten so many of these, and let me tell you. They are nothing but a cutesey way of blackmailing somebody. You are telling somebody that if they don't share something on the internet, that they don't care and that they are cold hearted. That is blackmail, and it shouldn't be tolerated. This is really hypocritical and especially hilarious if the chain letter is about bullying.
"Send this if you are against bullying! If you don't send this stupid internet meme, than that means you really must be for bullying!" Yeah. Using bullying to discourage bullying. Now that's classy.

Type B

Chain Letter Type B
This one doesn't get on my nerves as much as the other kind. Because hey! It might actually cheer somebody up who needs it badly. So unlike the first one, maybe this one should be permitted to exist. But still. It gets on my nerves, especially when they drag God or Angels into it. Buddy, I don't think that God works that way. God isn't going to consider giving you a blessing, and then decide against it because you didn't forward a stupid message! Seriously, I got one of these, tried it for the heck of it... no life changing news from somebody I love. Unless Mom making muffins for breakfast counted. ...Oh my gosh, these DO work!! (Of course, I'm joking, you knew that, right?)

Type C

Chain Letter Type C
This is kind of a subdivision of the previous one, except that it tells you that unless you forward something you're going to die. These are more hilarious than anything else. I've gotten these, and um... well, heheheheh... let's just say that I didn't forward them, and I still seem to be alive. Seem to be.

So in short, I don't like chain letters. I think they're silly and some of them, quite frankly, are rude.
I certainly hope I haven't made any of you that angry with me, so enjoy this GIF in reparation. Because we all like GIFs, right? :D

Minions!! We all like Minions here, right? BEEDO BEEDO BEEDO!!

Young Adult Literature and How to Improve It

Hah. As if there even WAS a way to improve modern young adult literature (hereafter referred to as YAL). Seriously, until the following guidelines are met, just go to the library and grab some Dickens or Twain. (Unless you have been banished from the city libraries, like me)

Give me a heroine who DOES NOT have a boyfriend or give me death!!

Seriously. These books 'claim' to have independent young women who can take care of themselves... and they still have boyfriends. It is totally possible for a female character to have both a love interest and a will of her own. There's Princess Leia, Emma Woodhouse, Eowyn, and Stormy Llewellyn, to name a random few. Unfortunately, YAL authors seem to have lost the art of the well-balanced female character. Your average YAL heroine is moody, cold-hearted (These days Cold-Hearted is supposed to pass for cool and indpendent), extremely talented at something, in possession of a unique eye color, and of course, completely dependent on her boyfriend.
I had a pretty good opinion of Katniss Everdeen until that scene in Mockingjay where she saw Peeta on the TV screen and pressed her face and hands against it. Yeah. Icon of feminism, ladies and gentleman.

Can we have something that isn't Dystopian Future, Vampire-Based, Zombie Based, or a Romance?

I like Dystopia books. I like Vampires (provided they aren't sparkly, mind you) and I like Zombies. I even like Romance if it's done right. But these plot elements are so incredibly overused these days that I roll my eyes whenever I see a book with these things in them! Trust me, YAL authors of the world! We are able to have interest in things that aren't distopian, zombie, romance, vampire, or all at once! Maybe give us some historical fiction, or or hey! Here's an idea! A book about a regular bum kid like us who doesn't have powers, or go to magic school, or kill the bourgeois with a bow and arrow. You know, like Ramona Quimby for older kids!

No more magic school!

You heard me! Harry Potter played that card with titanic success, and as a consequence any subsequent attempt at the genre will seem like a blatant rip off. That didn't stop the author of the Percy Jackson series, anyway... seriously. It's even got the hero boy/awkward sidekick/clever girl trio going!

Must the plot always be on a world-shaking scale?

I love books who's story rocks the entire world it's set in. Stories like LOTR where the fate of the world is at stake, etc. But I also like stories that are contained on a very small scale. Stories who's events don't change the world beyond the lives of the characters. Examples would be Emma, or perhaps Bleak House. I like the sense that after the events of the story time keeps marching on, no stops. It gives me chills to think that the world of the story keeps on turning even after the hero's story is over. I'm not sure what I mean by this, but I suppose the point that I'm getting at is that the story doesn't have to be mind-bendingly epic. You can have a journey of self-discovery without travelling the world. YAL however, seems to suggest just the opposite.

That's all I can think of for now, after all, I don't actually read a great deal of YAL. Do any of you have any thoughts on this? Any other criteria for the improvement of YAL? Or maybe we should all just give up it and stick with older stuff. :P

In Which I Get Mad At The Desolation of Smaug

Okay, this comic is based off a rather crude scene in Desolation of Smaug, so therefore, this comic is rather crude. If you are under 14 (or, just to be safe, under 30), don't read the following comic and enjoy this picture of a happy Axolotl.

Axolotl (Aztec for 'Water Monster')

Aren't they so sweet? :D And they come in aaaaall sorts of colors, Pink, Black, Brown, Speckled, Yellow, and very rarely Blue! but I'm getting off topic. On with the comic. (Which I actually came here for, then started ranting about my favorite animal.)

Ah yes, I hear that's how Aragorn won Arwen's heart! And who can forget the dirty, childish innuendo that made Eowyn love Faramir? People forget that Tolkien was all about stupid, juvenile, all-around sleazy comments!!

Of course, I was being sarcastic back there, as I certainly hope you could tell. I can't know for sure that Dear Professor would disapprove of Kili's little comment, but something tells me he would find it tacky.
In other words...
What were you thinking, Mr./Ms. Scripwriter?

Anyway... I hope you have a nice, sleazy-comment-free day.
-Xochitl