Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Lent, Feelings, and Hating Stuff

So it's Lent, and you're supposed to improving yourself and getting closer with God during this special time of preparation.
Which of course, is why I have been struggling with bad feelings for two solid weeks. Part of it is rough times at orchestra and the new school I started at (and my piccolo which arrived in the mail pre-broken for me). The other part is that I'm terrible at dealing with bad feelings.
At orchestra I'm jealous and mopey. At school I'm highly defensive about everything.

Though seriously, next person to make a Monica Lewinsky joke about my name gets my piccolo up their nasal pathways. *

But that's aside the point, and jamming stuff up noses never solved anything.
The point I'm trying to make is that your feelings don't matter, it's how you behave from them. I think that C.S. Lewis puts it better then anybody else.

"Don't bother too much about your feelings. When they are humble, loving, brave, give thanks for them; when they are conceited, selfish, cowardly, ask to have them altered. In neither case are they you, but only a thing that happens to you. What matters is your intentions and your behaviour."

I have a lot of trouble not acting on negative feelings. But it's half that battle just knowing that your feelings are not your fault. I think during Lent it's especially important to avoid acting impulsively on your bad feelings.
Maybe God was thinking "Monica (by the by Monica is an AWESOME NAME) needs to work on her attitude. I think this Lent we'll work on that by sending some trials that test how you act on bad feelings."
With that C.S. Lewis quote in mind, feelings don't seem so threatening or controlling anymore. It's easier said then done, but I think this time of year is the best time for working on how you react to trials.

*But seriously, is that uncalled for or WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? All I did was introduce myself and that's the first thing you say! Oh well. I still like you, dude, you just seem kind of clueless about what's tastefully funny. Stay Frosty.

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