chillin' with my friend, who lives in an undisclosed location on the East Coast. Man, was that a long plane ride, I'm tellin' ya.
Anyway, my friend (hereafter referred to as 'Ice Cream'. Don't ask me XD) is a mega LOTR fan (... I think. Help me out here, dude), I assume that because she knows way more about LOTR than I do. So Ice Cream is joining me today to discuss what should (and shouldn't happen!) in the third and
All those with asterisks on them are Ice Cream's idea.
- Gandalf needs to NOT be rescued by the Eagles from the Necromancer.*
- Bard is the one who kills Smaug. Not Bilbo, not Bard's Emo-Muffin son, not Tauriel, not Legolas' digitally enhanced face, Gandalf, or Gollum. Or Thorin. It must be Bard. I bring this up because Desolation of Smaug seemed to be leading up to the son killing Smaug, which is not cool.
- Either Tauriel or Kili needs to die. To put a better end to their 'romance'. *
- Beorn needs to be in the battle of the five armies. Because that's how it is in the book. And Beorn needs more screen time.*
- Oh, and while we're on the Battle of the Five Armies? Please keep it the Battle of just Five Armies. I know how your brain works, Mr. Jackson, and I know that it must be a giant temptation to add the Rohan, or Rangers, but please. Just Five.
- Um, Ice Cream says that Peter Jackson must make a public apology to everyone who truly loves Lord of the Rings for all the screw-ups he made. XD *
- Please don't try to wedge Gollum into the third movie.
- Thorin needs to die like he does in the book. So do Fili and Kili.*
- No more cutting out or compressing the good parts from the book to make room for Fan-Fiction that made it into the writer's room!
- I know that this post is starting to get demanding and bratty sounding, but c'mon. Let's use some of the gigantic budget for some actual SETS. And no, greenscreens do not count as sets. I guess what I mean is Less CGI, More Props.
- One last thing. I remember a quote from some guy about how you shouldn't crack jokes you wouldn't want your mom to hear. Well, don't add anything that you wouldn't want Tolkien to see.
...So, yeah! Please note that this is all in good fun, and we aren't out to offend anybody (especially Peter Jackson. Because we know that if we make him mad he'll make the third Hobbit movie be lousy on purpose ;)